founder of naked leader

How to use questions to raise self esteem

How to use questions to raise self esteem

Naked Leader Week 808 – 11 February 2019

Time to Read: 2 minutes

Mental Health is now the number one leadership, business and health challenge.

The range that those first two words cover is vast – after all none of us are just one thing, and this coupled with the brain being so complex (it can’t even understand itself) makes helping people who are suffering real pain quite a challenge.

One thing that we have found in Naked Leader when working with young people from our partnership charity The Prince’s Trust, is:

Ask yourself – and others – helpful questions

You may have personally experienced the negative power of unhelpful questions that you have said to yourself, either out loud or in your mind. Either way it has the same unhelpful impact:

  • Maybe you have bumped into the corner of the bed after just getting up and asked yourself, “Why am I so clumsy?”
  • Or you have forgotten something and asked yourself, “‘why is my memory so bad?’”
  • You have said the wrong thing at the wrong time and asked yourself, “Why don’t I think before I speak?”

Now let’s use exactly the same principle in the positive:

Ask yourself in silence or out loud these

  • You successfully navigate the corner of the bed after you have just got up and you ask yourself, “Why am I so awake and alert first thing in the morning?”
  • You remember something and you ask yourself, “Why is my memory so good?”
  • You say the right thing at the right time and you ask yourself, “Why am I so good at thinking about what to say?”

And help others by asking them questions like

  • I notice you did (xxx) really well, would you share with me how you did that?
  • What do you put your skill at (xxx) down to?”
  • Why do you think you are so good at (xxx)?

This technique works because:

  1. The questions automatically assume that what you are asking is true. There is no doubt about whether this is true or not for the ego to pick up on.
  2. Every time you say, think or believe something negative or positive about yourself, and especially if someone else says the same to you, it rewires our brains. It actually has a direct physical effect on the chemistry of our body. Recent science has proved that we can in effect, choose our own Psychological make-up.
  3. Helpful questions are not threatening to anyone.

With my love and best wishes

David X

Leave a reply