Leadership from a different perspective – Two Three Letter Words

Naked Leader Week – 183 (w/c Monday 20 November 2006)

Leadership from a different perspective – Two Three Letter Words

We received a letter home from our son’s senior school:

We hope Anthony is enjoying his final year at his preparatory school, but is also looking forward to joining us in September.

When they could so easily have written:

We hope Anthony is enjoying his final year at his preparatory school, and is also looking forward to joining us in September.

But is one of the most negative words around, yet it can so easily be replaced with And

Some other recent examples I noticed, with an apology, as from now you may begin seeing examples everywhere:

“These facilities are inspected regularly, but if there is anything you notice that needs our attention please bring it to our attention”

An alternative

“These facilities are inspected regularly, and if there is anything you notice that needs our attention please bring it to our attention”

Midsommer Murders will be back again next Sunday, but right now, please stay tuned for the news

Or

“Midsomer Murders will be back again next Sunday, and right now, please stay tuned for the news”

And my personal favourite

“We develop managers, but we also develop leaders”

Could so easily have been:

“We develop managers, and we also develop leaders”

Why is this so important?

Because “But” is a negative word, and in the listener or reader’s mind, immediately puts it on guard for conflict, especially when used in response to something that has been said.

In a meeting, if a point is made, and you say something like:

“I hear what you say, but…”

You are in effect saying that you disagree with the person, before you say the next word, and as that is what your listener is expecting, that is what they will hear.

In equal and opposite power, say the following:

“I hear what you say, and…”

And you are in effect saying that you agree with the person, before you say the next word, and as that is what your listener is expecting, that is what they will hear. I have even heard people make the complete opposite point of view, and because they have used and the other person has agreed with them!

From now, for one week, use And instead of But, in e-mails, on the phone, in person, in your texts, no matter how strange it may sound, and see the reactions. If it works, keep doing it, if not, go back to using “but.”

And with love and my best wishes

David

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